Having mindful sex is hard.
You are not having mindful sex if you find yourself spacing out and thinking of other things. Other activities you could be doing. Or porn. Porn is not very mindful when you are with a partner unless you both are watching porn togehter. Are you waiting to just stick it in and everything else is just a task? Or are you just waiting to cum and everything else is just a task? Not mindful. Give a little worship a try. A little gratitude and appreciation. Remember back in high school when you were terrified of rejection and you were a scared little virgin? Your heart pounding in your chest and your hands all clammy and shaky. Every part of you, locked into that situation and you couldn’t think of anything else even if you tried.
The first time a girl let you brush your hand up against her skin. So soft and smooth. Such a flowery smell. Or maybe it was the end of the day and you could smell her deodorant wearing off just a tad. That is mindful sex. We have the tendency to rush things when we are nervous, excited, or bored. That makes sex dull and monotonous. Every day, your hands come into contact with hundreds of things. Picking up and setting down, brushing, rubbing, pinching, scratching. How many times do we forget to FEEL? What if you felt things with the curiosity of feeling them for the first time? Like a woman’s skin. Petal soft.
As many know, I’ve taken quite a few classes on therapy and human sexuality.
Whilst I absolutely adore BDSM, I love some soft and sensual sex too. Meditative sex. Mindful sex. What if we drew out these moments where we had the feeling to chase or be chased. Playing coy a bit longer, or taking hours to initiate sex. Working you both up. Hard to find the time, I know. I hear that a lot. Sex is an innate part of our being. We have the drive for desire and being desired like shelter during a storm. That being said, BDSM can aid this mindful experience. Bondage takes time. Edging takes time and roleplay takes time. I like to map out what I want to do beforehand. If my expectations do not match those of the person I am fucking, no big deal.
They are flexible expectations. I had some mindful sex recently. After a sexy little dinner, my little sub and I went back to her place. Laying in bed, we talked for hours and then I locked eyes with her. Finally, I leaned in to kiss her and took my sweet, deliberate time. My lips hovered over hers and pressed into hers ever so lightly. Then, I pulled back and caught my breath, still hovering over her lips. So soft. I pressed my lips down lightly again. Several more times, before applying any real pressure. Then I kissed her deeply. My hands feeling up her neck and around her throat. The way her lips caved to my lips and her soft nose brushing up against mine.
I could almost feel the heat rising in her face.
I grabbed her face, so delicate, and kissed her even deeper. Then, I grabbed her shoulders. So small and so easy to yank about. Then, I placed my hand on the back of her neck and pressed her mouth into mine. I felt her catch her breath. My hand laced through her soft hair. I could tug and move her wherever I wanted. Then, I brushed my lips over her soft cheeks and then her soft nose. This was mindful sex. I nestled my nose into her neck and let my lips drag across the skin. All the way from the back of her ear to her shoulder. Tanking in the softness and the smell of her. Then, I followed that spot with slow, soft kisses. I moved to the other side and did the same.
Then, I slid my hand under the curve of her back and pulled her waist into me while I nibbled my way back up and down her neck. I slid my hand up the back of her shirt and unhooked her bra. Then, moved my hand over the spot where her bra was. The indentation in her skin. Mindful sex takes time. It is worth the wait!