Put your phone down!

Put your phone down. Today, I was inspired to be silly and sing this blog.  I bet I can make you put your phone down is a song by Erykah Badu and that is my inspiration for today’s ego boost.  You see, if I was your gal, I could make you put your phone down. Have you “in a room with no air” like Jordin Sparks.  Yeah, I tend to suck all the air out the room, when I take your breath away & “have you watching every motion in this foolish lovers game.  Haunted by the notion, somewhere there’s a love in flames” (Berlin, 1986).

“I bet I can make you put your phone down!  I can make you, I can make you put your phone down.”

You won’t need your phone while we are eating, riding down the street or or simply sitting at home.  You’ll be too busy tending to me like Blake Shelton in Name the Dogs. Serenade me, and ‘I’ll pick the paint and you’ll pick a guitar. I’ll plant the flowers and you’ll plant the kisses.’ Babe, ‘I’ll be the pretty and you’ll be the funny.’

So, put your phone down!

Watch me make you put your phone down when you enter the door and I attack you like a puppy with separation anxiety.  Just when you thought I wasn’t paying you any mind, the Russian Blue kitten in me comes out to play. I’ll plop right down in your lap or on top of your laptop, to ensure I made you put it down.

As soon as your phone rings, I’ll make you put it down.  Remember the song by Case?

Touch me, tease me

Feel me and caress me

Hold on tight and don’t let go

Baby I’m about to explode

‘Cause all my love you can control

You see I want to be like “that place in the whiskey (Gretchen Wilson).”

You know the one that ‘gives you that fire down there.’ ‘Where a few more shots of the spirit hit you and all your troubles disappear.’  When the phone rings, I’ll be like the Three 6 Mafia song:

Slob on my knob

Like corn on the cob

Check in with me, and do your job

Lay on the bed, and give me head

Don’t have to ask, don’t have to beg

Juicy is my name

Sex is my game

Let’s call the boys, let’s run a train

Squeeze on my nuts

Lick on my butt

The natural curly hair, please don’t touch

First find a mate

Second find a place

Third find a bag, to hide the ho face

Real name rover

I said bend over

You’ll never have to tell me to “suck a nigga dick or something.”  I’m already on it.

I bet I can make you put your phone down!   You see, some broad made my dude put his phone down once.  Bet that’ll never happen again!   A few years ago, I was dating a guy that had an entire family!  Completely oblivious to this, was I. Well, until one of his side-pieces made him put his phone down.  That was some power move!

When he answered, I could tell that he was distracted.

He continuously muted me, and had side conversations. When I asked him if he wanted to call me back, I heard a female respond: “no, you can carry on.”  She giggled, and then I heard his belt unbuckle. His breathing changed, and he forgot to mute me as he had done before.

When I previously asked about the commotion, he told me he had just left the gym and was rubbing a bit of Icy Hot and Aspercreme on.  Now that she had spoken and giggled on the phone, I knew better. She eventually made him put his phone down.  At that moment, I felt like BoneCrusher because “I ain’t never scared.”  Heck, “I’m bout it, bout it” like Master P. So, I found the chick and cut her brake line.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t the side-piece that needed a new master cylinder and brake line, but the wife.

I just created my own Lifetime movie, all because dat chick made him put his phone down. #tragic After this, I made sure I had “dem maked up lips and two tongue rings (Lil Wayne, featuring Pharrel in “Gettin Some Head”)!

I would like you to pick up your phone and give my phone sex hotline a call.  I promise you have never met anyone like me!

Phone Sex Kingdom Nicole Burke