Perverted Grandfather Stories Were a Regular Part of My Childhood

Perverted grandfather stories are the best! My grandpa is a total perve. According to him, “women are tools with too many feelings.”  He sure knows how to make a gal feel dirty when he stares at you with his hands in his coveralls.  I reckon those itty bitty shorts I love have given him plenty of inspiration to juice off over the years.

“Why cover up now!  The entire God damn world has done seen your cunt and every inch of your epidermis!”

“Come on over and sit next to me, gal and clean these fish.  Do you see how a fish does his mouth?  Don’t you get caught messin’ with the boys and have your twat lips looking like that!”


Storytime With Grandpa Was Always His Version of a Fairytale or Scripture. Snow White was a siren that had the Dwarfs under her sex slave spell.  Briar Rose was a siren as well.  Cinderella wasn’t mistreated by her stepmother, she was an entitled bitch with pretty girl privilege that needed to be knocked down a peg or two.

Perverted Grandfather Stories Are Not Reserved For the Ladies.

Thom Thumb was nothing more than a mischievous child with a negligent mother that grew up and joined the armed forces.  His mother couldn’t feel him as Thom played in her plum pudding.  That ass was too loose.  Then Thom tried to suckle her breast and eat that twat.  Before you knew it, he darn near drowned in her cum.  Thom couldn’t take the sexual abuse another day.  After all, he likes pussy he has to chase down; more so that convenient pussy.  So, he ran away with some Chickenhead gal to the city and became a Knight so he could rape and pillage all he liked.

There are so many versions of perverted grandfather stories I can tell.  For today we shall focus on mommy phone sex.  I caught grandpa having mommy phone sex with my grandmother while she was out of town.  Just sitting on the back porch cleaning his rifles as usual and had the nerve to put her on speakerphone.  He said: “Mommy, tell me a bedtime story about how my trouser snake got to be so long.” My grandmother is a mail order bride, the maid, the cook, and his personal sex slave.  She waits on him hand and foot.  He nuzzles up next to her on the couch and pretends her jugs are pillows.  Once he told her those sacks were going flat, it is time to get them pumped up.  So at 70 years of age, grandmother had her breast augmented.

Dress It Up, or Dress It Down.

One might ask, how perverse are nursery rhymes, fairytales, riddles, and the such.  None of them have anything on my perverted grandfather stories.  This man will sexualize water.  If you let him freak you out, he may deviate you from your entire purpose.  He is sparing no souls with an ounce of compassion.  I’m not sure if he is just a no class degenerate or a sexually explicit dirty old man that likes to see you get your panties all in a bunch.  Check back with me later and I’ll tell you all about how oblivious I was, and in tune my cousin was.  Knowing too much is why these perverted grandfather stories became our reality.

Phone Sex Kingdom Nicole Burke