Personally, I only consider a “first date” successful if it ends in fucking — sober or half-drunk, it doesn’t matter. Either way, if there’s not enough chemistry for us to fuck after a few hours, I inevitably find myself saying “Next!” Not out loud . . . well, usually not out loud, anyway. That would be rude . . .


That’s what I love about phone sex. Fewer pretenses, more cutting to the chase. And a little more action doesn’t necessarily mean “a little less talk.” Nothing gets me off more than a dirty, horny man (especially if he’s a “stranger”) telling me all the perverted, kinky things he wants to do with me and to me. Oh, and how gorgeous I am, of course!

Sometimes my callers laugh when I refer to our first call as our “first date.” It is the first date, though. Most people think first dates involve taking someone out to some fancy schmancy (and overpriced) restaurant, sitting through a romantic comedy while wishing you were having your teeth pulled out one by one — or enduring some other kind of excruciating torture. I’d do anything to avoid a romantic comedy.*

Now don’t get me wrong — I love phone sex on first dates where the proverbial cock isn’t in my ass (i.e., “phanal” as one of my favorite lines from this classic term) within a minute, too. Foreplay is my forte, as some of you edging enthusiasts and tease and denial lovers may know. And sometimes, the more I get to know a caller before we “consummate” our new relationship, the better the first time is. Do you know?

Wanna take me on a first date? Just give me a call . . . I’ll be here. And you know I’ll put on (and then take off) something really special . . . just for you. ♥

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Phone Sex Kingdom Nicole Burke