Certain neighborhood traditions are bugging the shit out of me this Christmas.

I hate to sound like Scrooge but, since the first week of December, the women in my neighborhood have lost their minds.

This “fun” tradition is a real-life chain letter from hell.  It begins when one neighbor secretly leaves a basket of treats (and some sort of sign like “You’ve Been Elfed”) on my doorstep, rings my bell, and runs.

In turn, I post the sign somewhere (to alert those lower down the chain to fuck off), prepare a basket of treats (with a new fuck-off sign), and then ding-dong ditch a fuck-off sign-free neighbor.

It’s said the best part of this “fun” tradition is actually ringing the bell and running.  While I agree (and would gladly do it year-round if it wasn’t forced down my throat), I’ve not only been elfed, but jingled, ho ho ho’d, tinseled, socked, snowed, and snowballed.

Unfortunately, I have no interest in snowballing if it doesn’t involve cum.

Since I’m placing luminaries between my legs (to show my husband the way to my pussy), I think I’m going to ring in this coming year by starting a new year-round neighborhood “Get Sucked and Fucked” tradition.

Inside an envelope, I will place a photo of myself (naked and fingering my pussy) and a letter.  It will say:

“Dear Male Neighbor,

As you read this, I’m more than likely alone in my bedroom finger-banging my pussy.   Instead of waiting for a holiday fuck-fest, I need a dose of “cheer” (cock) each day.  I would appreciate it if, after my husband leaves, you and your “cheer” would come over and ring my bell.  As long as you don’t run off (since I can’t include them in this envelope) once you’re in the door. I’ll spread my “cheer” (legs) and happily share the goodies in this photo.

If 365 days a year is a problem, please pass this along to the next cock on the block.  If he has a hard-on, I beat you to him.  Proceed to the next cock.

Signed,

Tara, the Horniest Woman in Our Neighborhood”

Phone Sex Chat!