Resolutions For A Lot More Kinkier, Naughtier Sex

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out the reason resolutions are hard to keep is because (even though we make them to improve ourselves) they’re never fun.  In a nutshell, we resolve to make our lives better by basically making ourselves miserable.

My thoughts are, instead of making a ton of crappy, unrealistic resolutions, find one thing you can do to accomplish them all.

I have some things I’d like to accomplish.  I’d like to lose 10 pounds, exercise more, eat healthier, save money, learn how to relax and manage stress better, enjoy life more, travel, improve relationships, get more sleep, get rid of old clothes, and maybe even get pregnant.

These all sound great, but realistically, some of them make the others impossible.  For example, eating healthy and traveling isn’t conducive to saving money.  Cleaning out my closet (to get rid of old clothes) isn’t conducive to relaxing or enjoying life.  In other words, my own resolutions have made it impossible to keep my own resolutions.  In order to keep myself from inevitable failure, my resolution this year is to fuck more.

Yes, fucking more is the key to my (and most people’s) success.

Fucking is a wonderful exercise.  An average sheets session burns about 69 calories.  The level of energy exerted from crazy, fun monkey sex can be higher than that of walking 3 miles per hour.  Again, a rocket scientist isn’t necessary to tell me which one sounds better.

By fucking more, I’ll be naked more (making all the clothes unnecessary.)  I’ll be exercising more (helping me lose those 10 pounds), as well as improving relationships and managing stress better.  There’s nothing more beneficial than a mind-blowing orgasm to help relax (and then sleep.)

Although I can’t take my money with me when I die, if I’m fucking, I’m not shopping.  That saved money can be used to travel and enjoy life more (which in turn, perpetuates more fucking.)

Fucking is definitely a big element to getting knocked up.  On second thought, a baby might not be conducive to fucking.  I’ll pencil that one in for 2019.

If my husband isn’t supportive of my resolution, I’ll have to change it from “fucking more” to “get a divorce.”  Then I’ll add “find someone who is supportive of my “fucking more” resolution.”  Would you be supportive of fucking more?

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