Rate My Cock, Inc ™ – Training Day

All three handsome young guys showed up for training bright and early Monday morning, as expected. We’ve never had anyone turn down a job offer at Rate My Cock, Inc ™ After touring the facility and introducing them to the rest of the staff, we returned to the conference room to start training.

#101 was the first to ask a question that all three probably had. “All of the cock raters are men,” he said. “Why is that?” That was an excellent question. I explained that nearly 100% of the customers here at Rate My Cock ™ are interested in putting their cocks inside of other men, at least some of the time. So, they should present their cocks to other men for judgment.

Rate My Cock ™ – Let’s face it, it’s mostly for hooking up

The reason men who enjoy the company of other men want their cocks rated is primarily for use on apps like Grindr. There’s a lot of competition out there, and men whose bottom can be pretty selective. All three of you know that Grindr is full of pictures of cock and little else. Contrast that with more dating/relationship sites where dick pics are not welcome. Instead, most of the images of men feature them jet-skiing, regular skiing, and posing with a labrador retriever.

I gave each new recruit a Rate My Cock ™ training manual that was larger than you might think. Starting with page one, we began to review the criteria we used to rate men’s’ cocks.

So, what exactly makes a cock a 5 Star cock?

The first thing to know is this can be a delicate process. Recent studies show that 86% of American men are satisfied with their penises. And our ratings indicate, well, a lower satisfaction rate. This means that some men who are very proud of their packages may be upset with their scores.

Getting Hard

First, you will ask to drop his pants and get himself hard while the employee gets everything ready for the rating. If the customer is hard by the time the rater is prepared, the customer receives five stars. When the evaluator has to wait, the customer gets 3-4 stars, depending on the wait time. If the rater has to help, the customer receives two stars, and if the customer cannot get hard at all, he is asked to leave and come back another time.

Measurements

Once the customer is hard and ready, each rater will have a sterilized tray of instruments and tools to use in making all of the precise measurements. There is a measuring tape to find the length and the circumference. And there is a special caliper to measure the width.

The average erect penis length in the United States is almost 6 inches. The average erect penis circumference is nearly 5 inches, and the average erect width is 1.5 inches. Cocks with these measurements get an average score. We deduct or add points depending on the distance from the mean. And do we ever rate a cock as too big? Definitely not!

Appearance

Many things go into the appearance rating of a cock. An experienced rater will be able to judge the appearance very quickly, but that will take practice.

Head – a nice big head that is bigger than the shaft is ideal and receives five stars. A head that is smaller than the shaft gets 1 star. Most will fall in between those examples.

Curve – a nice curve up or down is ideal for hitting the “sweet spot” in both men and women and receives five stars. Cocks with no curve, too much curvature, or sideways curves receive fewer stars.

Grooming – We send men with huge, unkempt bushes home and ask them to groom themselves appropriately before they return. Most people prefer nicely trimmed pubic hair. Very few like the region to be shaved entirely bare, and absolutely no one wants to have to hunt for a cock in a bird’s nest of hair. Just…yuck.

Balls – We give no rating for this. No one expects them to be attractive, and we prefer not even to try to rate them. We have had men who were unhappy about this because they thought they had particularly appealing balls and wanted credit for that. They were, of course, mistaken.

Next up:

More criteria and first clients!

*****

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