Virtual sex —  The ONLY way you’re getting laid from now on.

Virtual sex is for a special type of guy.  That type of guy is the guy with a cock as small as yours.  Seriously, when pledging for your fraternity, did you not think about the possibility of streaking?  I wonder what is sadder.  How your own ‘brothers’ didn’t bother telling you how ill-equipped you were or how they video taped the whole thing AND posted it for the entire campus to see.

Normally, you would be punished by the school.  After all, your face is clearly visible as you run down the street with nothing on.  I guess they figured that everyone seeing your itty bitty little cock was punishment enough.  I know I’m still giggling.

Did you REALLY not know?

You grew up an only child so I guess no one was around to tell you.  Still, I feel like you mom would have at least hinted at it.  Maybe she giggled while she bathed you or nicknamed your cock ‘Lil captain’ or ‘tiny peter’ or something like that.  Come ON.  Are you telling me that, up until the world got a load of your midget manhood, you had absolutely NO idea that you were tiny?

Don’t blame the cold

I don’t care how cold it gets.  Your cock should never shrink back inside of you.  You were barely rocking a turtle head with your stunted ‘stallion’.  It didn’t hang at ALL.  It only bobbed in the air as you ran around disappointing and amusing women everywhere.  Sorry, honey.  You’re never going to live this one down.  You will be made to remember this day until the end of time.  Enjoy the next FOUR years at University.

Maybe tight teen pussy will be able to feel you.  To find out, call my phone sex line!