Having extra long hair like mine can have its drawbacks.  I live in one of the older off-campus apartments, so the pipes aren’t really accustomed to hair this long.  It seems that the girls were sporting shorter hair back in the day and I guess shorter hair doesn’t clog the pipes like long hair does.

I’ve only been back at school about 6 weeks and already my shower drain has had to be snaked. Twice.

My friends, knowing my penchant for penis, make “fucking the plumber jokes.”  (They also do the same for the pizza boy and cable guy to their great amusement).

Real life is NOT like a porno.  YES, I have fucked a plumber, a pizza boy and a cable guy, but each was under fairly normal circumstances that were not as porn-worthy as they might seem.  Though I would have loved the chance to say in the heat of the moment that the tradesmen I fucked were “snaking my pipes”, “giving me a large sausage” or “full cable package.”

Those would be perfect scenarios for a classic pornographic film.  I can hear the wonderfully bad puns being delivered by young mouths (when not filled with wayward sexual organs).  Sometimes I do desperately wish that all encounters went that smoothly, but frankly, they do not.

Sex has almost every opportunity to be like it is in porn.  The right word, phrase, face or hole can really spice things up!

That is what separates real world bumping uglies from the fantasy world of porn – work and planning.  Not everything is perfectly sexy all the time, and that’s ok!  In most cases, neither partner really actually cares, they just THINK the other partner does.

Beware, letting the porn industry get inside your head might cause your partner not to get inside your bed!

So next time you get Mario to snake your pipes, or Pepe’s pizza to play with your peepee, or enjoy the ultimate aphrodisiac that is free cable, remember that those lines may be flawless, but the sex is still real.