I bet you’ve been thinking “I wish I could fuck this pretty pumpkin, but it just doesn’t have a pussy…” Well, you’re in luck because I’m going to show you how to make your own Halloween themed homemade pocket pussy!  

Are you excited that you’ll finally get to fuck your lovely pumpkin? Does she have a name yet? No? Well, we’ll get to that later.

Okay! Let’s get started on your festive homemade pocket pussy!  

Step 1 – Cut a hole in the top of the pumpkin. You’re not going to be fucking this hole so cut it to whatever size you want – just make it big enough to scoop stuff out of.

Step 2 –  Take a moment to admire your choice of pumpkin.  Way to go, dude. She’s hot! She’ll make an excellent homemade pocket pussy! Now would be a good time to compliment her and maybe even give her a name.  (Naming your pumpkin is optional – this is a one-time hookup, not a relationship)

Step 3 –  Scoop out SOME of the pumpkin guts from inside but NOT ALL of it.  It will become clear why this is important later.Halloween Homemade pocket pussy

Great job so far! Time for a break!  

Step 4 –  Now is when you take a little break from carving.  Your dick has to be nice and hard for the next part. Seriously, it does!  Go watch some pumpkin porn – or better yet, call me!  I’ll get you ready for that next step in no time!

Step 5 – Ok, are you hard yet?  No? You didn’t call me as I suggested, did you…?  I tried to help you but, no… Oh well. 

Anyway, now you’re going to measure the girth of your cock.  Don’t worry I won’t look. Okay, I’ll probably look but I won’t judge you. Okay! I’ll probably judge you but do it anyway.  Measure the girth of your penis with a tape measure. If you already know this measurement, you could have skipped step 4.  

Don’t worry about length. Your pumpkin homemade pocket pussy likes lots of different dick lengths. You can measure your length if you don’t already know it but you want to.  Or you’re hoping it has grown.

Step 6 – Once you know the girth of your dick, match it up to the closest size hole pattern on the included Pumpkin Dick Hole Carving Template™.

Time to carve!Halloween Homemade pocket pussy

Step 7 – Print out the template, cut out your size hole and tape it to your pumpkin in the location that you’d most like to fuck.

Step 8 – Carve along the dotted lines to make your fuck hole.  You can call it your Halloween Fuck Hole or your Spooky Fuck Hole if you want to keep in the holiday spirit.

Step 9 – Now would be a good time to talk to your pumpkin a bit.  Don’t be a jerk, you’re about to be deep “throating” your homemade pocket pussy. Tell your pumpkin she’s really cute and that you respect her.

Step 10 – Yay!  It’s time!  Put your dick in that perfectly sized hole and just fuck the shit out of your pumpkin!  Seriously, do whatever the fuck to that pumpkin. She loves it, I promise. And do you see why I told you to leave some of the pumpkin guts inside?  Your orange girlfriend feels warm, squishy and just amazing…doesn’t she!

Next up!

Tips, tricks and some important Do’s and Don’ts!

Stevie's Secrets

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Too lazy to carve a pumpkin?  Want a real girl instead?  Call me for amazing taboo phone sex!   Or, do you need a bit of my own special brand of sex therapy? Or anything else?  Just call me for the best phone sex you will ever have…