You: my recently repossessed male cum cow. Me: the sperm bounty hunter cumming to collect.

How are you feeling in your inaugural week at “The Ranch” as my newest male cum cow? I hope you’re settling in well. Transitions like this can be difficult. But luckily your handler, the woman who keeps you in a heightened state of arousal at all times, is there for you 24/7. No one knows your body better than her. And she’s an expert at keeping your cum pump secure and functional, too!

Probably you’ll have to take some time to get adjusted to your new pod and our hardcore female domination lifestyle. Understandably, groups of tourists cumming in during the day (and sometimes, during the holiday season, even night) might be jarring at first. But think of the prestige! One of the many uses of the cum we collect from our cows is as synthetic milk. Forget rice milk. Who needs nut milk when I have an unlimited supply of (your) cum?

Your diet is closely monitored by a team of nutrition experts and modified to best suit our customers’ needs. Seems like it goes without saying nowadays, but your diet is certified non-GMO and grain free. Oh, and it’s absolutely vegan of course! Finally, we supplement your regular meals with plenty of vitamin E and C. Here at The Ranch, we are on the cutting edge of cum morphology.

No taboos role play and fetish phone sex combine to give you the theatrical release you need for your secret perverted masturbation fodder. There are no limits to my kinky imagination, and I’m going to stoke the flames of your most latent desires while you stroke for me. Do you have a not-so-subconscious quasi-medical kink fantasy? (Or does it have you by the balls?)

“Cum-pletely engaged and uncaged 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and 365 days a year!” is our motto here at The Ranch.

Although less mass produce-able, your ejaculate will also be the main ingredient of our special beauty treatments. We have all kinds of elixirs and tonics made from our 100% organic and free range cum cows. Your sperm contains a crystalline polyamine called Spermine, which is a natural antioxidant. Our patented anti-aging serums wouldn’t be as effective without it. Also, it’s a crucial ingredient for our popular acne treatment creams.

At The Ranch, we use every last drop of your cum. We use the precum of our male cows to make chapsticks sold in our gift shop. There’s even a cafe downstairs with all kinds of cum-based delicacies. Visitors are amazed by their elevated mood after enjoying a protein-rich sperm-dressed salad for lunch!

Another aspect of daily life you’ll have to acclimate to: announcements over the intercom. There’s one cumming on now to remind our new hires it’s time for “Sounding 101” in Pod #5. Yes, that’s right: in your pod! There is no end to the new experiences and sensations you’ll enjoy as a male cum cow.

Calling all male cum cows! It’s time to embrace your new lifestyle.

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