Some thoughts on “free sex” vs. paid sex

The distinction between “paid sex” and “free sex”? Constructed and misguided at best, in my opinion. Even before I was a phone sex operator, I was aware of cultural...
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The distinction between “paid sex” and “free sex”? Constructed and misguided at best, in my opinion.

Even before I was a phone sex operator, I was aware of cultural assumptions purporting that some kind of value difference, hierarchy-wise, exists between “free sex” and “paid sex.” According to reigning narratives we’ve all internalized (at least to some degree), the supposed differences go something like this:

Paid sex (supposedly) is . . .

  • Less meaningful or “real” somehow
  • Something a person must be “desperate” or lacking in a crucial type of social capital/etc to even be paying for in the first place
  • A placeholder for a “real” relationship, inherently “fake” in comparison to this imagined Princess Bride-style fantasy
  • Somehow inherently exploitative because money is involved
  • Somehow always detracting from a sex worker’s agency (at least a little bit, despite everyone’s best intentions)

Free sex (supposedly) is . . .

  • Better and/or more valuable (emotional currency-wise, at least) than paid sex, despite it occurring with someone who’s not a professional and with whom you may not have clear, safe and/or mutually respectful boundaries
  • Not exploitative in any way (for either party and/or parties involved) because money isn’t exchanged
  • Something everyone could receive easily provided they possess certain qualities/conventionally attractive features/etc
  • Somehow correlative to a person’s desirable-ness in general, frequency occuring, quality and otherwise
  • A thing that actually exists or is un-complexly possible, specifically in some imaginary pure and “untainted” form

Since becoming a professional sex worker here at the magical phone sex line I call home, I have *~cum~* to the conclusion that these controlling schemas are . . . yes, you guessed it (and just as I long suspected) . . . utter BULLSHIT!

Pervasive, misguided “free sex” versus “paid sex” tropes upset me. But what really breaks my (officially cold and unbreakable) humiliatrix heart is a sentiment I hear all too often. It goes something like this:

“Well, I know you probably think I’m pathetic/your callers are pathetic because . . . ”

No, I don’t think that. I can’t speak for all phone sex operators, but if I did think that I wouldn’t love my job as much as I do. If I were to believe this pervasive myth about “what kind of people pay for sex” I would also have to buy into the other part of that story, i.e. the endless cesspool of misogynist garbage about “what kind of people do sex work.”

And I say: FUCK that shit. But hey, that’s just my opinion. What do you think?

— A I L E E N
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Just your un-friendly neighborhood humiliatrix! Some people call Aileen "bossy" but she prefers to think of herself as "assertive." Aside from being drop dead gorgeous and a Scorpio, Aileen's Gender & Sexuality studies degree gives her a special edge in understanding (and deftly undermining) the male psyche. When she isn't sitting next to the phone, Aileen is probably playing her banjo, reading something obscure & intellectual, or laughing about the last time she humiliated you. Favorite domination calls: Forced Fem & Sissification, Bitchy Girlfriend, Forced Intox, Forced Bi, Mistress/Slave, Verbal Abuse, Cuckold, Pegging, CBT, Body Worship, Extreme BDSM, Hardcore Humiliation, Castration Fantasy Other favorites include: Sex Therapy, Girlfriend Experience, Secrets & Confessions, Mutual Masturbation, Edging, Sapiosexual, Smoking Fetish, "Weird" / Unusual Fetish + Kink, Taboo Role Play, Just Talk . . . just to name a few. Open to ANYTHING!
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